Countdown to gender!

We are so excited that the baby is still healthy, now the next milestone is finding out the gender :D Thank you all for your prayers, check my facebook for ultrasound pictures!

Countdown Clock by Zoodu.com

Dedication

"You'll always be my first!"



There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my angel. As I progress through this pregnancy I only fall more in love with the idea of being a mother, but the truth is I already am. I am a mother to my angel and I am a mother to the baby growing within me. I am grateful to know how blessed I am, Heavenly Father has given me constant reminders.

Counting our Blessings

Yesterday, after a visit to the ER, we found out that Baby B had stopped growing. I just sat there as the ER tech kept trying to find Baby B's heartbeat, she tried for over 30 minutes. I kept asking her if she could see the heartbeat hoping that the little blueberry was just being shy. She lied, for my benefit, and said that she could see it. As she began to measure the baby I knew, Baby A took up more space and was beginning to take a human shape. Baby B stopped growing at 7 weeks when it was only the size of a blueberry, it is now our angel baby. Baby A is right on track for growth and has a heartbeat of 185.

My question has always been how does someone deal with loss of the life inside them? Even more importantly how do you mourn the loss of one and celebrate the health of them other? Our way has been to find the good in the entire situation and I would like to share that.

1. Heavenly Father never gives us anything we can not handle, he has prepared us for this through our faith and the friends/family that we have.

2. Baby B has returned to Heaven, for a reason we are not aware of this baby was not ready to come to this earth but will continue to watch over us from Heaven.

3. Something was wrong with Baby B, either it's heart of nervous system was not strong enough to sustain life and Heavenly Father knew that.

4. Baby B will always be our baby.

5. Baby A is healthy and strong providing us with overwhelming hope of what the future holds.

6. Our marriage is only being strengthened through this experience and we are blessed to have each other.

7. The blessings of the Priesthood surround me providing me comfort I never thought was possible.

8. Our blessings are limitless

In short we are choosing to celebrate both our babies. They will both forever be apart of our lives for their own special reasons. Please continue to pray for Baby A and remember there is always more to thankful for in our lives, sometimes it is just harder to find.

With all my love for your continued support,
Allie

Baby A and Baby B

These are my babies, cute as they can possibly be @ only 5 weeks and 6 days. The nurse was able to see both babies, although the pictures do not show both we did see them. We honestly feel so incredibly blessed! In addition the love and support we have received from family and friends has been amazing, more than I ever anticipated. We will most likely be seeing a great deal of our babies over the next few weeks and I will continue to update with pictures. It is only 34 weeks until I am able to hold my babies, my gift from Heavenly Father! I am just filled with gratitude that he has given me such a wonderful blessing!

Allie

For Good

As this wonderful, yet scary time in my life begins I can not help thinking of all the people that I have been blessed to know. People that may have only come into my life for a "season" but have changed my life, and continue to change my life. Thank you to everyone who continues to help me and remind me just how blessed I am.
This song had always made me think of these people in my life...

FOR GOOD- WICKED
(Glinda) I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda) Because I knew you

(Both) I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for

(Glinda) But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda) Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both) Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda) And because I knew you...

(Elphaba) Because I knew you...

(Both) Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

...The News

I once had this strong opinion that I should wait to tell everyone I was pregnant till I was at least 12 weeks... Well I have officially thrown that out the window! Call it what you will but we all know I have trouble keeping secrets and the truth is how could I with news like this. I AM PREGNANT!!! Nate and I know that this is truly a blessing from our Heavenly Father and an answer to so many prayers offered through out the country. I have been learning about more people everyday that I have kept our family in their prayers, and can I just say I feel blessed!

Right now I am 4 weeks pregnant and 16 days past ovulation with an HCG of 638! The due date is July 3, 2010 according to my math. We will have another HCG Wed. and then three ultrasounds week 6, 7, and 8 before I will go back to my OBGYN. We are grateful for the life we have be entrusted with and pray for a safe and uneventful pregnancy.

Thank you to everyone that kept us in your prayers, words will never truly express my gratitude.

Allie

Day 12

I am 12 days into my cycle and I went in today for my 5th appointment since the start of this cycle. After waiting for what seemed like forever I was in the ultrasound room preparing for what I thought could only be good news. The Doctor came in to check my follicle growth. Now 5 days ago the same Dr. had checked my follicles and they were at 8mm and 6mm. So, as he measured them out I asked with excitement how big they were now. To my dismay they had not grown at all... was this even possible. This seemed to me like my worst nightmare. The Dr. obviously not seeing the panic in my eyes told me that we would double the dose in my medication. My thoughts could not help but taunt me for the rest of the day. Was it possible that they would never get any bigger? The Dr. didn't offer a worst case scenario and I honestly didn't know if I was ready to hear it.
I wrote this during my 1.5 hour wait in the waiting room.

#1

If only I knew,
When the day would come
That I would hold you near

If only I knew
The hours I'd wait
Just to have you here

If only I knew
I could last that long
Life could go on without fear

I hope you know
We'll never give up
Trying to bring you here

I hope you know
We are ready when you are
I promise, you need not fear

I hope you know
The love we have for you
In our hearts you're always near

Injections...

Tonight starts the first night of the rest of my life... I will be taking injections every night at the same time. Then next week I will have a doctors appointment on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. During each appointment they will steal my blood and take pictures of my ovaries... adjusting my medication as needed to produce something more than I am now... more to come!

The New Doctor

Alright, so I know that many of you are interested in how this whole thing went... Well the appointment was at 8am out in Syracuse, which meant I had to get Nate up and in the car by 6:45am. Let's just say I was very grateful to have him their with me and he didn't even complain. Now this is how it went...

The Dr. came in and went over all the diagnostic procedures that I have had in the past and then told me what procedures they want me to have:
1. Laparoscopy (which is where they put me under general anasesia and make a small cut into my abdomen to check the outside of my organs)
2. Hysterosalpingogram(HSG)(they inject x-ray dye into my uterus and watch it travel through my tubes to make sure they are not blocked)

Then the Dr. gave me that choices I have for treatment:
1. Take clomid, monitor it with ultrasounds and give me a trigger shot to trigger the egg to release.
2. Take injectable hormones to produce folicles (eggs,) monitor them ultrasounds, give me a trigger shot to trigger the egg to release and do IUI (intra uterine insemination).
3. IVF

Then as part of my visit the Dr. did a vaginal ultrasound and normal blood work. The nurse went over the information on the procedures and my new prenatals. They also had the person in charge of the insurance come in and go over the cost of all this fertility information.

Now, I am sure those who are still reading are wondering what option we chose. First of all we decided that we would not do the clomid again, as we have already done 5 cycles and want to be more aggressive. We also do not want to do IVF, and will explain why in a minute. We choose to do the injectables without the IUI.

The reason why is the fact that we would like to keep conception as natural as possible, we feel that is one thing we can have. Personally we do not have a problem with IVF or IUI but with the cost involved feel that if it came to that we would opt for adoption. Adoption the costs are involved when you actually adopt a child. Where as IVF there is cost regardless of whether a child is the result of the procedure.

I am sorry that this post is so long, and not nearly as funny as my normal posts. I am open to any questions you may have and am grateful for everyone's support.

My Early Work

Here is some old poems that I wrote that I am particularly proud of and wanted to share with you.

SINGLE ROSE (12/2003)

A single rose, within a single vase,

This be where I have come to meet my fate.

The water runs high, but tis a small base.

Loneliness has brought me to this lone state.

As each petal falls to the desolate floor,

Hope ever fleeting, my faith must endure.

Every fallen petal my fate deplore,

If time can save me, this I can't ensure.

Many walk pass but they turn a blind eye,

As if I, not there, as a child I hide.

Is it that hard to see me, won't they try?

They walked by so in the vase I reside.

If you do walk by me, promise me this,

You will pause to tell me I do exist.

MY MASK (2004)

I hide behind a mask

A mask you may not see

But behind this mask

There I hide the real me

The me you may not like

The me that has been shunned

The part that was insulted

The part that was no fun

Every day I try to chip

Away bits of this mask

But every time you hurt me

I’m forced to put is back

Your insults sting my soul.

Your laughter slowly burns.

But you keep on using me.

I guess I'll never learn.

That I cannot give my heart

To everyone that cares

Because when they are through

It is my heart that will tear

So you may think you’re ready

To take me for who’s inside

But if you were to hurt me

I would be forced to re-hide

My heart can’t take that burden

My soul can’t take that pain

So behind this mask

The real me shall remain.

Untitled

There is really no appropriate title to give this blog, as I hoped I would not be writing it. Nate and I went to the Doctor's office today so that I could have another u/s to check the follicle size. I knew the moment Dr. Cooley walked into the office that I was not going to like what he had to tell me. I know you are all hoping that this story take a twist for the better, and that I have some good news... but I do not think I will be able to deliver on that hope. We had no prominent follicles in which the Doctor could stimulate. As the Doctor spoke tears flooded my eyes, he could not help me and that brought pain to Nate, Dr. Cooley, and I. My body had not responded to the strongest medicine he could give me, I now need to see a reproductive endocrinologist. To many this may seem like a good fix, or a step forward, but not to me. To put it frankly the emotional roller coaster that I face is best experienced with a Doctor that I trust, and I was glad when that Doctor was Dr. Cooley. So, now I am facing the task of forming a new bond and trust with the man that will hopefully hold the answers to my problems and to be honest I am scared. I see Dr. Kiltz on 9/9/09 at 8am in the morning.
Over the next month, I do not think life will get any easier. I am going to try and relax, maybe even lose a few pounds if possible. I make no promises though, only that I will continue to do my best and keep my chin up as much as possible. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan for me, I just wish knowing that made it easier.

Spouts of Depression

In the past I have dealt with the symptoms of depression, and have come from rock bottom to whom I have become today. However with this medication the Dr. has me on a feel like I am constantly battling the depression, fighting to be Allie. I am trying hard to avoid situations that cause me to have an emotional drop, but what was I to do when singing "The Family is of God" with my primary children made me want to cry uncontrollably. Then there are the times when the mere mention of pregnancy made me want to be invisible, to avoid the inevitable question from those who did not know better. To be honest, it grew more difficult each day to deal with life and not having Nate here did not help. Hoping that I would not bottom out, frankly because I do not have the time to be there, I remembered the words of a friend.
Sister Merrick had told me many months ago (when I was in a similar situation) that Brother Merrick gives wonderful blessings. That thought has been in my head ever since, and hope grateful I was this week to receive a blessing from Brother Merrick, that picked my spirit up and reminded me of why I am doing this. He told me that I would be blessed to bear children and be a mother. For once the blessing did not use the word patience, but that is probably because I have accepting that things will happen on Heavenly Father's time, not mine. This was all I needed to help me press forward, and to remind me that there is nothing to worry about. The blessing even told me that I need to relax, and I know that. The bottom line is I know how blessed I am to have the blessings of the church in my life, and to know Heavenly Father has a plan for me.

I want to be a mother...

So I can rock-a-bye my babies.
So I can awake in the middle of the night to hear them cry because that means they are here with me.
So I can sing them lullabies and teach them finger-plays.
So I can have my kids sleep in the middle and get kicked out of my own bed.
So I can dress up my daughters in cute little Easter clothes and put their hair is pigtails.
So my husband can carry our own kids on his shoulders and fly them around the yard.
So I can take them to the grocery store and end up with more than was on my grocery list.
So I can see them smile.
So I can turn their frowns around.
So I can breast feed.
So I can teach my kids about Jesus.
So I can have family home evening with them, even if they don't pay attention.
So when they are hurt, I can kiss their owies better.
So I can take my kids to the park, the zoo, the fair, and everywhere in between.
So I can listen to my own children playing in the next room.
So my house can be filled with their toys.
So I can teach them how to respect others.
So I can share with them all of the greatest holiday traditions.
So I can play dress up with them.
So I can play soccer with them.
So my husband can give our kids wheel-barrow rides.
So I can have the title: Stay-At-Home Mom.
So I can love them to pieces!
So I can get dandelion bouquets.
So I can wear a baby-sling.
So I can teach them how to cook.
So I can clean up all their messes.
So I can read them every book at the library and share my love of reading.
So I can get a sacrament meeting flower on Mother's Day...and not feel pitied.
So Disney movies will reign the DVD player.
So I can make an awesome birthday cake for their birthday.
So they can play with their cousins, and realize the importance of family relationships.
So I can spend my night time hours doing bedtime routines.
So I can say things like, "Because I said so." and "Clean behind your ears."
So I can load them all in the van and enjoy every minute of it.
So there will be fruit snacks, graham crackers, and juice cups all over my van.
So I can have my front porch covered in sidewalk chalk.
So we can lie in the grass in the summer air and look for cloud shapes.
So I can be the "guest of honor" at a baby shower.
So I can give them everything I have to help them to become the best person they can be.
So I can someday send my kids to kindergarten...then off to college.
So I can become a Mother-in-law.
So I can become a grandmother.
So I can become a great-grandmother.
So I can make cookies and have my kids decorate them.
etc, etc, etc...

And all this I will do with joy because I will know that they are my little blessings. I can not promise I will not complain, but I can promise that at the end of the day I will count my blessings that Heavenly Father brought them into my life. Because I will know and remember life without them. I look forward each day to being a mother, and will work each day to better prepare myself for motherhood, because it is truly the highest calling in life.

Dr. Appointment Today

Alright, so I went to the Doctor's office today for an ultrasound to check my follicle (egg) size. I was fortunate to have Nate with me, which was wonderful to have him there for support. So the verdict: the egg was only .9mm in size and the egg needs to be at least 1.8 in order to be baby-making ready. In essence he was not able to give me the trigger shot because the egg was not big enough but I will go back on Monday for another ultrasound to see if the eggie, or as I like to call it "baby possibility," has grown at all. However Nate will be leaving on Sunday so even if it is big enough on Monday I may decide not to have the trigger shot because of the lack of husband.
In short, I am optimistic and looking forward to next cycle where the Dr. will increase my meds to see if I can get some bigger eggies (just not too many I don't want to be Octo-Mom)
Thank for everyone's love and support!
Allie

Anxious

Right now I am attempting to wait patiently for Wednesday to come, attempting being the operative word. I have been fortunate enough that time has really flown over the past year for TTC. It is just the occasional two week wait for the Doctors appointment that drives me nuts! But never before has even the two week wait been as frustrating as this. What am I waiting for? Well if I haven't tired your ears off telling you I will give the short version of it. I am getting an U/S to check to see if I have produced any follicles (eggs) worthy of baby making. I guess that it is what is driving me nuts, it is possible that there will be nothing there and that this month there will not even be a two week wait (that is the wait after ovulation before taking a preg. test) I know that I am over thinking everything, as I always do.
Other than that today was an alright day. We were all so tired here that we were late getting to church... it was not my first choice but we got there. I was very pleased today to read the scriptures as a family (Steph, Nate, Basil and I, Sage was asleep in out bed.) We are on track to finish the entire Book of Mormon by the end of the year.
Well that's all for tonight!
Allie

What I shouldn't think about

Right now I am having such a hard time not thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong if I got pregnant. I mean with all the work we are putting into trying to get pregnant, I feel like the moment I find out I am pregnant I should hit the bed and never leave it. There are so many complications!!!!!! I know I shouldn't think about it but sometimes I can't help it.
At this point I am hoping to find some hope in being able to get pregnant. A week from today they are going to check my follicle size to see if I have any baby possibilities. I just do not know what I would do otherwise... sometimes I wonder what other people looking in think...
That's all,
Allie

About Time

I guess it is about time to make this post. I was holding out hoping that by some miracle that there may be some good news this month. So as you can guess, I got a big negative. Now we are onto a different medication (Femera) and the Dr. is going to check the follicles and egg production half way through the cycle. What does this mean, I really don't know. To me it means that I will now pray for a March baby instead of a Feburary one. I am learning to be patient and know/hope that my effort will pay off.
Right now I feel like the Dr. and many others have given up on me, what truth there is in that statement I do not know. I just know that most people don't understand what I am going through, or really what to say to me.
That's really all I can say at this point...
Allie

MISSING: SANITY

If you are reading this letter it means that I have officially lost Sanity. This is not a hoax, or even a lame Geiko commercial, this is the real thing. Sanity was last seen on May 16th, 2009 at the Olmstead residence. It is believed that Sanity has left in response to what may have appeared as an altercation. This was in fact not an altercation, but merely a disagreement. That being said the disagreement took place between I, Allie, and Basil, my highly vocal puppy. The event took place at follows:
• Basil was placed in his well furnished crate @ approximately 9:30pm at which time he began sounding an alarm that can only be characterized as fire-alarm.
• This alarming noise the continued for the next 45 minutes before finding peace.
• Peace was short lived as Basil decided, that the house was all too peaceful.
• 10:30pm the alarm begins to sound yet again.
• At this time I entered Basil’s room and took Basil outside.
• Basil did not need to urinate, or otherwise relieve himself, in fact the only thing Basil was interested in was finding his way to my lap…
• After returning inside I immediately returned Basil to his bed and shut the door.
• 10:35 the alarm resumes, this time displaying a greater variety in his vocal range.
• 11:30… Shhh! The noise/siren/alarm has stopped…\
• 11:37, the noise/siren/alarm has returned
Now, one can see it is difficult to pin point just where Sanity left as my brain and body were otherwise engaged in caring for Basil. However, the fact remains the without Sanity I am unsure of how to get through the rest of the night. So it is with this sincere request that I ask who ever finds Sanity, or knows where to find Sanity contact me immediately.
Out of my mind,
Allie

Our Newest Addition

Meet Basil, who at this very moment is reinacting a fire alarm as he protests to going to bed. However, no amount of headaches, sleepless nights, or potty accidents could make me stop love him! For the past two nights Basil has suckered not only me but also Stephanie into allowing him to sleep with them. Now tonight as I, Mommy, and the only one home am putting my foot down, he must learn to sleep in his "home." ... After 40 minutes, Basil has FINALLY gone quiet which means he has fallen asleep!

Many of you who know me well know how much I long to be a mother... well I am a mother. I am a mother to Sage and to Basil, and quite frankly anyone who thinks otherwise must not have experienced the feeling of bring the puppy home, seeing them grow, and going over all the "milestones." Like the first time they climb the stairs, give you a big sloppy kiss, or fall asleep in your arms. Most of all you realize that you are this puppies parent, they look up to you, come running when you come home, and cry when you leave. The bottom line is if being a mother to my beautiful puppies makes me feel like this what will it feel like one day when I am blessed to bring a child into this world? The truth is I am ready and waiting, but learning to be patient.

Loving my family,
Allie

WILL THE SUN EVER SHINE AGAIN?

Sometimes I just have those weeks when it feels like nothing is going my way and recently it seems like it is a constant battle to stay optimistic. I know I need to learn to be more patient with my goals and dreams, that things will happen on God's time. Nothing is wrong with that in fact he knows me better than I know myself, so if it is his will that I learn this lesson the hard way than so be it. I can't help but wonder though where the light is. This is a song from my Disney on Record CD. I think it was originally in the move Home on the Range.

WILL THE SUN EVER SHINE AGAIN?
Rain is pourin' down like the
heavens are hurtin'.
Seems like it's been dark since
the devil knows when.
How do you go on, never knowin'
for certain,
Will the sun ever shine again?

Fells like it's been years since
it started to thunder.
Clouds are campin' out in the valley
and glen.
How do you go on, when you can't help
but wonder.
Will the sun ever shine again?

What if the rain keeps fallin'?
What if the sky stays gray?
What if the wind keeps squallin',
And never go away?

Maybe the soon the storm will be
tired of blowin'.
Maybe soon it all will be over, amen.
How do you go on, if there's no way
of knowin'?
Will the sun ever shine?
Wish I could say.
Send me a sign-
One little ray.
Lord, if you're list'nin', how long
until then?
Will the sun ever shine again?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5XCBNU9kBE

Failed Cycle

Alright so we are home from the Doctors, and there is no good news. Not only am I not pregnant but I also did not ovulate. If the OBGYN can not get me to ovulate this month then I will have to go to a reproductive endo. A wise person reminded me of the fact that I never do anything the easy way and quite frequently choose to be difficult. So this is my body being difficult, while my mind goes insane wondering why me? Wish me luck and please keep us in your prayers.
Allie

Wanting to take a HPT

Alright so I am at 8 days after ovulation and want so badly to take a pregnancy test!!!! I know I should wait, but why is it so HARD! I have had the lower back pain, headaches, nausea, and spotting... how I hope this is our month :) If it is we would be expecting a New Years BABY! That was my venting for today, THANK YOU!

MS Walk

My friend Rianne is walking for MS, please show her your support! No donation is too small, because it is all going to a good cause!
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/UTUWalkEvents?px=6387027&pg=personal&fr_id=11331
THANK YOU!

How to successfully procrastinate!

1. Find an alternate activity (I.E Blogging)
2. Procrastinate your list until getting bored with the first....

So here I am blogging when in fact I have two English papers that despite my best efforts have failed to write themselves. Why? One may ask... and I would reply because the hands of time are against me. I know that there are critics out there that may attempt to persuade me that it is in fact my own doing that keeps these papers from being written. I say that is a lie, why would such a person as I purposely cause time to pass quicker than a paper could feasible be written? They wouldn't and for this reason I say that they world needs to give me a day off because time is not doing me any favors. Alas, the joke is on me because as I contemplate a day in which the world could give me off, the world has instead thrown more work a top my plate! Undoubtedly this will most likely fuel the fire of time and will not allow these papers to be written. So without time what am I to do? I know, I know I hear your thoughts through this screen. In fact I feel the piercing stares of many pleading that I stop my blogging and write this paper! I will listen, though it is against my better judgement.
TO BE CONTINUED...

I should breathe

Yes, I know that the statement made in the title is one obvious by nature. The fact however remains that I am quite capable of forgetting to breathe and relax. There is so much going on that sometimes I wonder if it is humanly possible to be making the right choices. Between school, work, the house, sage (puppy), foster care and infertility I just don't know what to do with myself. I WANT IT ALL! I want the white picket fence in the perfect neighborhood, my masters degree, Nate and I to have careers, and 4 or more children. Please tell me is this too much to ask :(
I will be patient, I have to learn to be patient with my achievements in life... they will not all come at once.
Allie

Results

I went to the Doctors this morning to see the results of all the tests and there was nothing surprising. The Dr. says that according to the tests I do not ovulate... which I am pretty sure we already knew. So now for the list of medication that the Dr has prescribed:
1. Metformin twice a day
2. Provera once a day for 7 days
3 100mg Clomid 2 a day, days 3-7
We will wait and see if this works because really that is all we can do at this time. Hoping for the best!
Allie

The Game of Life

So the other night... I believe it was Sunday... Steph, Nate and I sat down for what would seem like any other game night. Now I should preface this by saying that I am the LIFE champ... I have been beat but statistically win more. Now for those of you that don't know the new life is a bit different than the the original. When the game begins you choose 1 of 4 paths Learn it (College), Live it (Adventure), Earn it (Workforce), and Love it (Marriage and Family.) Well I choose Learn it and after a few years (turns) I had earned my PhD... no small feat may I add. I then proceeded to Earn it and was promoted twice! Then after planting my feet firmly on the ground, I went on to Love it! Now shortly after getting married I had TWINS! Then the next turn... TWINS! Wow... well fast forwarding to the end of the game I had 9 children, 4 sets of twins and the youngest was a little boy. I think it was then that I decided that I want this to be my life... you no minus the sports car, 2 houses, and the mansion... not that those would not be nice but that is not what I am seeking. I want the children... I want to have 4 sets of twins and a little baby boy. Now is that too much to ask? I think not so when I go to the Dr.'s tomorrow I will let him know of my plans. Please hold your laughter at least till you finish reading this because those that know me I am not joking...
I love board games! They provide such laughter and entertainment. In this case they even provided a new life direction and goal. So thank you to the game of life.
Allie
PS. Nate says that he wants 4 kids and a tank because that is how many he can fit in the tank! O' how I love him!

The Ten-Plus Most Annoying Thinkgs to Hear When Your Trying to ger Pregnant

HELPFUL HINTS
"Just relax and you'll get pregnant" (Who hasn't heard this?)
"My friend pink adopted a child and got pregnant the next day. Have you considered this? You mean have I considered adopting a child for the purpose of getting pregnant... nope hadn't crossed my mind.
"Have you tried..." "Have you read..." "Have you heard..." (These normally end in something absolutely silly/unrelated when it comes to fertility)
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
"... it took us four months to conceive our third child" Operative words FOUR and THIRD... please someone tell me how this compares? There should be a law against comments like this!
"I can't believe you are having such a tough time I get pregnant every time my partner walks into the door" (or some form of the same comment)See above comment
"Things could be worse" (No really?)
"I bet this experience has brough you and your partner a lot closer" Of course, so would brain surgery... you should try it!
COMMENTS YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HEARD
"Are you pregnant yet?"
"You are still not pregnant?" Stressing the still...
"Do you have a good Dr." Actually I am using a vet but thanks for asking!
"Plenty of people live happily without children" Thanks for sharing!
LEAVING YOU SPEECHLESS
"Heavenly Father has a reason/plan/purpose for putting you through this" Although this notion may be true... trust me I have already thought of it you don't need to tell me.

I hope someone got a laugh out of this because I know it was good venting for me to write it.

Allie

Fertility or lack there of!

Alright, so today I went to see a new fertility Doctor. I am saying this knowing that there are those out there that do not care to read this... so if you are in that category cease reading at this time!
This is what he said: He believes that I have some degree of PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome.) He is going to run a few tests to ensure that there are not any other problems. The tests are: an endometrial biopsy, a hysteroscopy, and a funky ultrasound that I don't know the name of. After that I will be taking clomid again, along with the dreaded metformin. The metformin previously made me very sickly, but this new Dr. wants to try it, so I am going to trust him.
Please wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!
Allie

What joy life can bring

A great deal of changes have been happening in the Olmstead house. With my graduation from MVCC coming at the end of the year I have been trying to choose which colleges to apply to. I have narrowed it down to two different schools: SUNY IT in which I would major in psychology or if I am able to get into the program Utica College Occupational Therapy Program. I am really hoping for the second but will have to wait and see as the time gets closer. Of course we are still working towards becoming foster parents and are still on track to be done around May/June time frame. I am also going to see a new Doctor about my fertility issues and Nate and I are going to try once again to conceive. We are not getting our hopes up, but want to give it another try. This does not change our plans for foster care as we still plan to do foster care even if I do become pregnant. That is probably more than everyone needed to know, but that is what I get for blogging after my bedtime.
Allie

Kyle's Rule

Alright so I talked to my brother last night, at least it was night for him and he says that I need to update this thing more often. His rule is that it needs to be updated once a week. Well... I suppose I can do that. The challenge will be finding things to write about.
In this case though I need to post a picutre just for Kyle and my Dad...

One down Six to go!!!!!!!!

Today we had the first "class" meeting with the social worker. There are six books in the program and after each book we have to meet with the social worker. Anyways we are aiming to be done with the process by the middle of May. We are so excited! We recently purchased bunk beds, so now we have three twin beds!!!! We still need to get dressers and such and finish painting the last bedroom.
Not sure if I told everyone this so I will include it as well. We are going to do foster care for children ages 2-6 from various backgrounds and cultures. We are hoping to do care for sibling groups, with up to 2 children at a time. Then of course we hope to adopt! Well I am tired... so I am going to nap!
Allie

I'm a future Mommy!

Right now Nate and I are in the process of putting our life stories on paper to become foster parents and may I just tell you their are questions I never expected to answer. We are both so excited to become parents and will do all this paperwork with a smile on our faces because we know the reward for our patience and labor. I am personally feeling the joy and excitement rushing throughout my entire body, this is what I have been looking forward to since the day Nate and I were sealed for time and all ETERNITY. The support we have received has been absolutely amazing, it has truly shown us how many people we have that love and support us.
I AM GOING TO BE A MOMMY! I am so excited, and nervous because I want to be the greatest Mommy possible and help our children/foster children to reach their potential and beyond. Like every other parent, I want the best for our future children!!!!! Well now that I am just rambling... but honestly words do not describe my excitement. Thank you again to all those that have showed their support!!!
Allie

Anticipation

Nate and I have been hard at work cleaning our house to prepare for Friday, when the social worker comes for a visit. We really do not know what to expect, but home that all goes well. Wish us luck :)
Other than that let me see, Sage is starting to calm down a little. Mostly for Mommy because I am the enforcer! However, Daddy is her playmate and she rarely calms down around him. We have been socializing her with another dog and that has been helping. Since there is a language barrier between Sage and us (LOL.) That is really all I can think of not much else is going on. Nate loves his new job and I am adjusting to school. Till next time!
"What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God."
Allie

Thoughts

Alright, Nate and I obviously made the choice to adopt through foster care now how do we decorate their bedrooms. Difficult? Yes, how do you decorate a gender neutral bedroom, better yet 2 bedrooms. For this reason I am turning to my friends and family to give me ideas. Here is what I know. We are requesting children from the ages of 2-7, either boy or girl (we have no preference.) We are also hoping to also foster a sibling set, hence the two bedrooms. So far the larger bedroom is painted light blue, with a navy blue rug. The other room will be painted yellow with green walls. So where is the dilemma? Well we still need bedding and decor... any ideas?
Allie

Update

Nate and I are both very excited! We are meeting with a social worker from Hillside foster care next Friday. From there we will have to do a great deal of paperwork and "homework" since we will be doing a home version on the training. I will update more when we have a better timeline but Nate and I are on the way to expanding our family! Wish us luck :)
Allie

What I should have told you yesterday.

This was really not the way that I anticipated everyone hearing about this, but it is a start. As many of you know despite our best efforts I have been unable to get pregnant. The medication that I have been on in the past not only made me sick, but also made me very emotional and moody. In addition being on the fertility medication I became very stressed and hard on myself for the fact we could not conceive. Even more stressed for the fact that the Doctors did not know why. They had run so many tests and had I never told them there was a problem the test would have been no indication. The Doctor basically told me that they don't know what is causing my infertility but he believed that they could give me medication allows me to conceive. After the whole ordeal of being sick, and just plan awful mood wise we called it quits. Nate and I agreed that it was way too much to go through when there is another option. In our minds this is a wonderful option.
Nate and I were blessed to be Married and sealed in the Palmyra Temple, sealing our family together for time and all eternity. We both look forward to having our children be a part of that blessing. After much thought and discussion Nate and I have decided to turn our attention to adoption through foster care. Because in the eternal perspective, when these children are sealed to us they become part of our eternal family. These children will be no different than the children born into the covenant. They will be our family and we will love them every moment for it. Of course we still have to go through the home-study process this summer. The home-study will be a great deal of work but worth every minute of it.
Before we are ready to start any of this process we are going to have to talk with everyone in my family and in Nate's family. To ensure that they support us and will agree to show our children the same love regardless of their background. Most of all I just want to know that our children have the best that life can afford them and that process starts with their family.
This may be a great deal for some to understand, but the way we see it there are so many children in this world that go unloved. We want to do our part to make sure these children do know that they are loved.

Quick update

Alright an update is due and I suppose there is much to say but for now I will make it rather brief. Nate has a new job and started this week. He loves it there as he is constantly moving. I have my last day of being a nanny on Monday, I will be glad to be done with that. School starts back up on Tuesday, I am thrilled (honestly.) I am in my last year of my AA. Then hoping to keep going till I finish my Masters in Psychology or Counseling. Sage is still a pain, but we lover it for her. She must be over 60lb by now but one can never be sure. The rest of it I will share when the time is right I suppose!!!!
Allie