My Early Work

Here is some old poems that I wrote that I am particularly proud of and wanted to share with you.

SINGLE ROSE (12/2003)

A single rose, within a single vase,

This be where I have come to meet my fate.

The water runs high, but tis a small base.

Loneliness has brought me to this lone state.

As each petal falls to the desolate floor,

Hope ever fleeting, my faith must endure.

Every fallen petal my fate deplore,

If time can save me, this I can't ensure.

Many walk pass but they turn a blind eye,

As if I, not there, as a child I hide.

Is it that hard to see me, won't they try?

They walked by so in the vase I reside.

If you do walk by me, promise me this,

You will pause to tell me I do exist.

MY MASK (2004)

I hide behind a mask

A mask you may not see

But behind this mask

There I hide the real me

The me you may not like

The me that has been shunned

The part that was insulted

The part that was no fun

Every day I try to chip

Away bits of this mask

But every time you hurt me

I’m forced to put is back

Your insults sting my soul.

Your laughter slowly burns.

But you keep on using me.

I guess I'll never learn.

That I cannot give my heart

To everyone that cares

Because when they are through

It is my heart that will tear

So you may think you’re ready

To take me for who’s inside

But if you were to hurt me

I would be forced to re-hide

My heart can’t take that burden

My soul can’t take that pain

So behind this mask

The real me shall remain.

Untitled

There is really no appropriate title to give this blog, as I hoped I would not be writing it. Nate and I went to the Doctor's office today so that I could have another u/s to check the follicle size. I knew the moment Dr. Cooley walked into the office that I was not going to like what he had to tell me. I know you are all hoping that this story take a twist for the better, and that I have some good news... but I do not think I will be able to deliver on that hope. We had no prominent follicles in which the Doctor could stimulate. As the Doctor spoke tears flooded my eyes, he could not help me and that brought pain to Nate, Dr. Cooley, and I. My body had not responded to the strongest medicine he could give me, I now need to see a reproductive endocrinologist. To many this may seem like a good fix, or a step forward, but not to me. To put it frankly the emotional roller coaster that I face is best experienced with a Doctor that I trust, and I was glad when that Doctor was Dr. Cooley. So, now I am facing the task of forming a new bond and trust with the man that will hopefully hold the answers to my problems and to be honest I am scared. I see Dr. Kiltz on 9/9/09 at 8am in the morning.
Over the next month, I do not think life will get any easier. I am going to try and relax, maybe even lose a few pounds if possible. I make no promises though, only that I will continue to do my best and keep my chin up as much as possible. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan for me, I just wish knowing that made it easier.